


The Epic Limerick from Heck: pilot part 2

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Episode Related, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-11
Updated: 2011-09-11
Packaged: 2018-11-10 19:01:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11132820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Twelve years later, and I've finally finished summarizing the second half of the pilot in 20 limericks.





	The Epic Limerick from Heck: pilot part 2

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

The Epic Limerick from Heck: pilot part 2

## The Epic Limerick from Heck: pilot part 2

  
by Melanie Mitchell  


Disclaimer: Paul Haggis wrote it, I just limericized it. 

* * *

_Nantukos, the muse, how I hate her!_  
She's quite an annoying persuader.  
I once had some fun,  
rhymed the pilot, part one,  
Now the second half's done, twelve years later.   
  
  
  
The _Superman Song_ set the mood;  
That Clark's one quite remarkable dude.  
But Ben's just as odd,  
they're two peas in a pod,  
'cept his Fortress has no Solitude.  
  
Bob's journal helped Ben reminisce,  
Ray found him, and stopped to insist:  
"Got no family? Let's go  
home to _chez Vecchio_.  
You'll find out just what you have missed."   
  
It's chaos and noise 'round the table,  
Just try to relax, if you're able.  
All the insults and flirting,  
are quite disconcerting;  
I'm not sure this clan is quite stable.   
  
No time for polenta! Must fly!  
They've got a new lead on their guy.  
Drake once had a wife,  
and he threatened her life,  
she might want to see her ex fry.   
  
Ben tried a persuasive technique,  
making Ray lose his cool (so to speak).  
"Don't put that in your mouth!   
Oh, wait -- this is _Due South_.  
You'll do weird stuff like that every week."   
  
She gave them ex-hubby's address,  
but it turns out, 'twas under duress.  
A trap! Detonation,  
then defenestration.   
Now Ben must let Ray convalesce.   
  
Gerard's back! And boy, is he pissed.  
He gave Fraser a "Cease and Desist."  
Next: a high-speed montage  
racing through the garage.  
Drake shot by Gerard! (Nice plot twist.)   
  
Drake's death won't stop Ben's cogitation.  
The Indian gave information:  
"At night, it's an ocean  
of death in slow motion  
for our way of life. Devastation."   
  
Gerard said, "The dam's got a glitch.  
We knew, but we sure wouldn't snitch.  
Now listen here, sonny,  
your Dad took the money."  
"You killed him, you son of a bitch!"   
  
"Bob's only got his reputation,"  
said Gerard. "Tell? It's his ruination."  
Ben stood there, in shock,  
twenty ticks on the clock;  
Villain saved by a son's hesitation.   
  
At the cabin, Ben stoked up the fire,  
Bob's keepsakes would serve to inspire.  
Caribou on the desk  
makes a warning grotesque--  
so much for their short-lived cease-fire.   
  
Ray's arrival was quite the surprise,  
though traveling hurt wasn't wise.  
He had solved the case, too,  
now he just wants the loo,  
and to drop off some "legal" supplies.   
  
While feeding the team in the shed,  
Ben noticed the first signs of dread.  
He hid 'neath the jeep  
while Dief handled the creep.  
It's time to go. Hitch up the sled!   
  
At the cabin it's more like a war,   
a dozen machine guns or more.  
A trap that was made  
from an antique grenade  
let Ray crawl out Fraser's back door.   
  
Those huskies can move pretty quick,   
but escaping took every trick.  
All but two bad guys done,  
Fraser led away one  
while Ray got his man with a stick.   
  
The last gunman's fast on the ice,  
but Fraser's got Daddy's advice.  
"Lead him up to the rim,  
but don't follow him in!"  
The bad guy was dead in a trice.  
  
Oh, wait! Gerard has to be near.  
But Ben won't show one trace of fear.  
The Indian took aim,  
shot Gerard like some game.  
"My mistake, I thought he was a deer."  
  
Ray said, "We took out seven guys!  
Just one more, and you're naturalized."  
"Let's get Dief to the vet,  
leave Gerard cold and wet,   
The sled's small, so we prioritize."  
  
"You know, Ben, it's really not fair.  
There's resentment. I'm sure you're aware  
you're not wanted up here.  
You should just disappear.  
But Chicago still wants you; go there."  
  
There's a consulate door to defend.  
And here's Ray, to consult with his friend.  
Then a scruffy young fellow  
walked up, and said, "Hello.  
Here's the hundred he leant me." The End. 

  
 

* * *

End The Epic Limerick from Heck: pilot part 2 by Melanie Mitchell 

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